Archive for December, 2009


What is rebellion?

I once told a friend of mine that I used to be a big rebel in the past. What I actually meant was, I have become rather flexible in some aspects of life. But she immediately replied, now that you are reading books, you’ll stop being a rebel. Oh’ excuse me!?!?!
But I have no idea where the notion of rebellion being bad came from. Reading became my habit very late in life, when I was around 17 before which I was good at submitting to values and beliefs. It was the books that I read which helped me become a rebel. Why, I’ve been happier when I became one, because I didn’t have to do things that I didn’t any faith in. Absence of rebellion is submission. I stopped submitting to things that didn’t make sense to me anymore. I was happier.
If somebody hadn’t rebelled would the world be like this today? Only because someone rebelled to being a slave, freedom was given. Only because someone rebelled to walk, the wheel was invented.
If I hadn’t been a rebel, I would n’t be here now, doing what I’m doing. I would still be working in IT from 9 to 9, leaving my child at a day care. Not a free person, able to do anything I wish. If Hubby hadn’t been a rebel, he would happily working 9 to 9 and aiming to do the same until 60 years of age.
Our families still don’t believe that we are working to retire before hubby is 35 years old. Oh well, that’s rebellion, but we are building our family’s future, an empire, rather than living from pay check to pay check, which we would have been doing had we submitted to the old values.
Why yes, rebellion is good.
Do I submit?
Yes, I do submit to a faith that keeps my spirit up. Yes, I do submit to a mentorship that has proven to work. And yes, I do submit to my family’s emotional and moral requirements.
But rebellion is good.

Growing up too fast!

Pappu has been talking with a small girl (he calls girls bigger than him as akka) in my mother’s neighbourhood in india. He knows that his grand parents are living in india.
Pappu: mama?
Me: I’m right here.
Pappu: papa?
Me: he is here too.
Pappu: akka?
Me: which akka are you talking about?
Pappu: india.

When did he grow up so much?

Hmm, well!

What do people say when they reappear after 2 months of sudden absence? Hmm, well, the reason for my absence is….

Anyway, I don’t have any particular reason because the concept of ‘not having enough time’ doesn’t even exist. I just didn’t want to write even though I had quite a lot to write. My childhood habits are still taking over every now and then. The habits that I totally ignore these days and let it do whatever funny stuff it wants to.

I have always had so much to do. I could paint well, I could sing and dance pretty good, recently I started writing too. And then I had to read continuously for 3 days in a stretch without caring much for food and sleep. Oh yeah, I really did that when I start reading any novels. I just had to complete it before putting it down. And there were times when I couldn’t breathe without listening to music. All of my so-called habits had designed my life. I’m an addict.

My hobbies are like my alter egos. Every now and then, one of my hobbies take over and pull me into it completely.I forget everything else and I don’t even struggle my way out. People used to say that this is the factor that pulls me down. I was under that impression too, until recently when I decided that I need freedom; freedom of choice, freedom of decision, freedom of time, freedom of money and freedom of hobbies. When my heart flows for something, I give it my fullest potential. But I can’t afford to think, I’ve been painting nicely these days, so I need to force myself to paint until I become a master of painting. If I find my interest shifting from painting to writing one day, I’d rather start writing when my passion is completely into it, rather than forcing myself to write when I really don’t want to.

I’m probably one of those very few addicts that are proud of their addiction.

19 months

Dear baby,
You are full of energy and its really amazing to see your emerging personality. You are fun to be with. The biggest thing that happened during the past month is you are starting to treat your father and me equally. You understand that both of us are important now, whereas you had taken me for granted all this while, totally ignoring if I disappeared from your presence for the very short period that I really did. Now you miss me, just the way you miss your dad when he goes to office every morning.
You talk quite a lot, everything a baby is supposed to say, except ‘no’. I don’t intend to list your vocabulary but some of the fancy words that you say, which I love to hear are ‘ovo’ for Oreo, ‘awo’ for yellow, ‘anko’ for uncle, ‘aoty’ for aunty, ‘apeen’ for aeroplane and ‘sidee’ for CD (this started 2 months back). These days you have started saying the words in your vocabulary in a more accurate manner, like ‘bus’ instead of ‘baa’.
You have almost mastered shapes and colors pointing to them when asked. You are right most of the time and you even pronounce them well. Your favourite shape is ‘damda’ for diamond. You can even show the diamond shape with your fingers.
You know almost all words in all of your books. But when I show you a ship, you said baa baa. How unfair that they find out a language which would confuse babies between ship and sheep! After a long following up from me, you are almost convinced that a ship goes on water while sheep says baa baa.
You love to run. Sometimes you run all the way from the train station to our home, a short distance, but I don’t even consider running myself. You can climb more than 4 storeys up through staircase continuously without my help. I have no idea how many storeys more your stamina will allow you to climb, but I love you too dearly to test your limits.
You love to dance. Sometimes you surprise me by developing new passions. Last week your passion was to crawl. I suppose that was inspired by your 11 months old little friend.
It’s been a month since your little cousin visited us, but you are still talking about her everyday. The other day you found your old bottle teat, put it in your mouth and informed me that it belongs to your cousin Nannu. When she was here, you secretly took her pacifier and plugged it in your mouth. You still remember that feeling.
Your father bought a new shoe and you have been overflowing with love for that shoe. By this, I’m not even exaggerating. You always want to carry it around the house and yesterday you even attempted to hold the shoe against your cheek in an act of love. It’s annoying me but I should say that you have actually learnt to walk pretty well in those giant size shoes.
When I give you something that you like, you say thank you. It sounds so cute that I want to bite you… In fact, I don’t do the biting part only because I don’t want you to learn biting from me!
Recently you have been not very happy about the person who cleans our block. He comes and talks to you but you seem to be wary of this person. You run away from him and cling on to me. The other day you came back home after confronting him and kept telling me ‘anko’ (uncle) with mixed feelings.
You were doing quite okay with pets, happy to watch them from far away and quickly grabbing my finger if they got closer. Did I mention how scared I am with pets? I love to watch too, but I can’t take it when they come close to me. I had been telling your dad that one day I’ll change my behavior in this and I’ll bring you closer to those animals so that you can play and be brave. But the other day, we were all going out together, a stray cat jumped in front of us out of the blue, shocking all of us. The only reason I didn’t scream was because you surprised me by screaming on top of your lungs, grabbing my finger and running to the other side. I quickly picked you up, your father tried to calm you down but you were scared and we noticed that you were not happy whenever we came across that place. Now, even when you spot a cat picture in your book, you relate to me about that incident.
Your father and I have been very careful in the way we talk or build your emotions up. Most of our friends also understand this very well, so it was easy to maintain that kind of environment around you. We never said or acted in any way that would inject fear in your mind. It’s hard for me to see your little heart filled with fear but some things are inevitable and both of us have to go through it for the time being. I’m trying hard to set this straight, but that would also mean that I should overcome my own fear first. We both are learning, honey, and I hope I would do my best…
Love,
Mom.