Category: Laugh, it's good for you


Today I received this email in my inbox. It was from a sender I do not know with the subject ‘meeting request’. I was just about to delete when the words “inconvenience” and “meeting” caught my attention. I continued to read.

It started like this.

Hi,

Greetings from ABC, erstwhile PQR.

First of all, I know neither ABC nor PQR but I didn’t give it much thought because the second line was more interesting.

Regret the inconvenience caused to you by this unsolicited mail and would like to apologize for the same.

Oh so Mr. X who sent this mail confirms that his mail is “unsolicited” and goes on to the extent of apologizing for sending the same. And then he expects me to read on!

Seriously, I thought this was darn funny, and I continued reading because I really wanted to find out what Mr. X was up to. The mail went on like this.

We presently offer the following solutions which are exclusive in our service offering.

Yeah so they are offering exclusive “solutions” to problems I don’t have.

We also offer the following on a financial planning basis in case you feel there is a need to explore these options as well.

And then the “following” talks about everything on the face of the earth that I might possibly ‘need to explore’. More interestingly, the mail ended like this.

It would be great to meet you at a time convenient to you and explore how we may be able to add value to your portfolio.

Looking forward to meeting you.

Warm regards,

Mr. X

ABC

My reply should be this:

That’s a great positive business-like ending, Mr. X. Adding value to my portfolio and your confidence in looking forward to meet me are great. But do you really think I would have come this far in your mail after reading the second line unless I wanted to write an interesting blog post?

People are busy and they want to make best use of their time. Amidst all the work and personal mails and hundreds of forwarded mails (forwarded mails may not be important but we do prioritize them as ‘urgent’ and even mid day at work, we read them and keep forwarding, don’t we?), do you think we will have the time to read and respond to a ‘meeting request’ that is unsolicited and apologetic?

Come on Mr. X. I’m sure you don’t receive a favorable reply often and unsolicited mails easily hit the ‘junk mail’ folder unless the reader is either jobless or is intending to make a funny blog post about it.

Leave your apologetic mask behind and meet people with confidence. Or try picking up the phone and say hello with a smile.

I tell you, I bought most of my credit cards and insurances from sales people who were nice (and who came with a good free gift) even when I didn’t need them.

[15] Bugged!

I had a tummy bug last week when hubby was working late. Incidently I hadn’t taken Pappu out for the whole day, so he had started behaving differently when my bug was at it’s peak. Well, it’s not fun when you are sitting in the toilet bowl and trying to catch your vomit in a plastic bag when your 1.5 year old son stands next to you and tries to imitate your vomiting inside the same bag. So I just let him loose and allowed him to have a liberal day. As I was sitting and watching him do things, I realized how different he was, when he is not under my authority.

Some time in between, he digged his favourite shirt from the dirty laundry basket and insisted that he wear it. Guess what I did? I let him wear it.

And then he wanted to wear the pants that are rather loose for him and keeps coming below his diaper. I let him do that too.

This was followed by several activities that were performed while I just watched. Then he hanged my camcorder bag around his neck and wanted to go out. By this time I was already fed up and wanted fresh air too. So I took him out for a walk. As soon as we were near the next block, he returned the bag to me and didn’t want to carry it any more.

I called my friend to the play ground so that I can sit in the play ground bench for a while. She was running behind Pappu and advising him what to do when he was playing football with other kids’ balls without their consent and climbing on their big cycles. I wanted peace so I just pretended that I didn’t see anything.

Not that these are big things but everytime he did these things before, the outcome was different. I never told him ‘no’ but I made up my own custom ways of telling him what he should rather do. And he would listen to whatever I say and follow my advice.

That day was different for both of us…

It’s been long since I wrote anything blog worthy. I could go on and convince everyone that I had been busy doing things, taking care of toddler or consumed in painting. But that’s not the truth. I didn’t write because… just because!

No, I was not suffering from a blogger’s block. Could someone be having a writer’s block when they have so much to write about?

I could have written about how wonderful my son is and how he is learning to ride his tricycle.

I could have written about how he responds to all my positive speaking madness all these months and he behaves like an angel, that when he sees the yellow alarm button in the lift, he smiles and and never attempts to touch it anymore even though I never said “No” to him.

I could have written about how happy I am about our new prayer routine holding each others’ hands every night in bed and even communicating our dreams regularly.

Or I could have written about how lousy I felt on diwali day morning when hubby and son were still asleep and that I wrote a post about how I missed diwali in India and then hubby remarked that my post passed a negative energy to him talking only about what I do not have right now and I immediately took that post down without any explanations to my dear readers.

I could have written about how we went shopping to one of the busiest places in singapore and I had to change son’s poopy diaper sitting in the most uncomfortable position and his toddler butt doesn’t clean the way it used to when he was a new born that I convinced myself that I would wash him well when we reach home and I passed his diaperless body to hubby, attempting to put on his diaper. I could have definitely added how hubby got poop on his new formal shirt and how his angry and disgusted face suggested to me that he might cry in front of anyone and how I rolled on the floor laughing.

I could have written about how I usually record my ideas as voice message in my phone and how one night just when my son and hubby had slept, I got a flush of follow up ideas to my “where is god” post and how I also felt lazy to get up from bed and that I whispered into my phone those wonderful ideas. Oh yeah, I should have added that I wanted to listen to my ideas now and all I could hear was strong ‘S’ ‘S’ ‘S’ sounds with the hum of the fan in the background. I have no idea what I had been thinking that night!

I could have written about how my posts are getting longer and longer these days and that I have to admit that I hate reading long blog posts.

Too many things to write about. May be I was just thinking too much that I found it difficult to settle in front of the computer. May be I should start another NaBloPoMo. May be.

[31] Finale

31: number of days

31: number of posts

10: number of days I didn’t even touch the computer, but had scheduled posts

10: number of posts that stayed in drafts folder for many months, that got published this month

2: number of people who said that their whole life got delayed because I was posting everyday

1: number of babies who saw it all, but never complained

1: number of babies that delayed my posts on a couple of days

n+2: number of regular visitors (2 being my mom and friend and n, because my blog stats won’t give me much information)

10: number of visitors who were kind enough to inform me of their arrival by commenting

2: number of times I seriously considered resigning from the commitment of posting everyday

6: minimum number of months after which the word NaBloPoMo shall be uttered again

1: number of happy bloggers

1: number of adults in the house who asked today, what NaBloPoMo is!

[27] Something different

And so, I’m posting a weight loss update. “But why?”, you ask. I say, because all the other cool girls I know are doing it. I thought I can be cool too.

During my college days, I was 47 kg. Well, 47 was the lowest I can remember. If I’m not wrong, I was fluctuating between 47 and 52 but since 47 sounds cool, I always told people that I was 47 kgs. My jeans was size 27 and I had the flattest tummy in the class! (SIGH! The good old days!)

3 years later, when I got married, I was still maintaining 52/53 and 6 months later, before I got pregnant, I was at 55. During pregnancy, my maximum weight was 69 and right after delivery I was 63. (A result of removing a 3 kg son and quite a lot of gluey stuff out of there)

1 year later around my son’s birthday, I was 59. Now a days I fluctuate between 57 and 59. But exactly why a fluctuation? I know not why. Probably the question has to be asked to the friend who gifted me 2 kgs ice cream which I (did I mention that hubby doesn’t eat ice cream?) finished in 2 weeks.

My current jeans size is 32 which is wee little loose near my tummy. The funniest part is, a couple of weeks back, I put on my jeans and found that it was way too loose. I had to pinch myself to confirm that it was happening and then I called hubby to share the great news. He took a glance and laughed at me. I was actually wearing his ‘size 34′ jeans!!!!

I was talking with a dear old friend of mine about how we speak what we want, that we don’t have and not what we have that we don’t want. He asked if I didn’t think it was a bit crazy.

I laughed and replied that I’d rather be crazy and successful than be cool and broke. He got it right.

All success needs some level of craziness. It just depends on the level of success we need. Why not just dare to get as crazy as it needs?

[14] Too old to nurse

You know a child is too old to be nursing when…
A) he pulls up your shirt when he wants to nurse
B) he takes your hand and puts it on your breast, wanting you to do it
C) he bites your breast in front of everyone if you don’t do it
D) with a whole lot of teeth and a decrease in milk supply, it feels more like sucking life out of the body
E) all of the above

I’m taking this tag up from Monika. Here are the rules.

  • Link the person who tagged you.
  • Post the rules on your blog.
  • Share the ABCs of you.
  • Tag 3 people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
  • Let the 3 tagged people know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
  • Do not tag the same person repeatedly but try to tag different people, so that there is a big network of bloggers doing this tag!

Ok then here are the abc’s…

A – Available?

No, invisible.

B – Best friend?
Saji, my only best friend since many years. We share nothing in common (neither in our own personalities nor in the people or things we chose) but her life seems to travel parallel to mine. I hope that was clear. Well, I’m not great with words but what I mean is this: For all the differences we have, she is always there within an arm’s distance and we can always break into each other’s homes in the middle of the night and demand a coffee, and a hug!

I get a feeling that the concept of “making best friends” faces a slow death after college days. Your colleagues, business associates, neighbours are the people who you spend most time with. But there is always a wall between them and you and lots of things in life fail to make it’s way through this wall. Not like the transparent college girl life and nobody from my current life can even stand near what I call as a ‘best friend’.

C – Cake or Pie?

Cakes. Hmmm. Yummy. May be I should make one today.

D – Drink of choice?

Given a choice, it would be somewhere between coke and starbucks cappuccino. But I chose the healthier option which is green tea with honey. Good for the skin and also throat.

E – Essential item you use every day?

Cell phone, toothpaste, clothes (!?!?!)

F – Favorite color?

I love the whole color spectrum.

G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?

Neither. Both are tasteless.

H – Hometown?

Nagercoil.

I – Indulgence?

Chocolates.

J – January or February?

February. For some reason, it is fascinating. It is also my sister’s birthday month.

K – Kids & their names?

15 month old son, Pappu.

L – Life is incomplete without?

Passion. A passion for atleast something. Hobbies, loved ones, faith, money, you name it. Whatever you choose, it requires a passion without which you don’t live at all.

M – Marriage date?

July 6th, 2006. A week after our wedding, we were in Munnar for honeymoon. We met another honeymoon couple there and when they asked when we were wedded, Hubby answered that it was on 7th july. We both laughed but we really didn’t feel much changes after the wedding.

Our jobs, busy weekdays, sleepy weekends were all the same except that we were sleeping together after the wedding. We assumed that the wedding day was of no importance except a formal announcement of our togetherness. That’s the reason we never celebrated our wedding anniversary. But we were wrong. That we understood only after celebrating this year’s anniversary. It is a beautiful renewal of our wedding vows and it feels like only now we are truly married.

N – Number of siblings?

1 sister.

Long back, I watched the movie ‘In her shoes‘ and I loved it. I so wanted to share it with my sister especially the poem by E.E.Cummings, but somehow I couldn’t talk about this to her. Now, this is a kind of sisters’ relationship you would have never heard of. We don’t talk comfortably about these things. Please don’t ask me why.

I never had the courage to talk about this, not even to my mother. Now, I shall share the same poem specially for my dear sister. I don’t care if this reaches her or not. But I know like the back of my hand, that she shares the same feeling too.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

E E Cummings

I am not a poetry kind of person. So special thanks to the movie, without which, I would have never known who E E Cummings was.

O – Oranges or Apples?

Neither. I’ve eaten too much of both in the near past that every apple or orange that finds its way to my fridge would stay there forever until it’s been releaved of it’s poor soul. But currently we are surviving on bananas, watermelon and cherries, all of them Pappu’s favourites.

P – Phobias/Fears?

None.

Q – Quote for today?

Successful people do things that unsuccessful people are not willing to do. The secret is, they don’t like doing it either, but they do it anyway.

R – Reason to smile?

Everyday, Every minute. If these are not reasons enough to smile, here are some more. Every other smile that finds it’s way towards me, every loving word, my son’s face every single morning, sun shine, cool breeze, every second spent with the baby, hubby’s massage, his phone calls with no reason, and much more……

S – Season?

Anything except flu season. On a serious note, I love all year round. There are no seasons in singapore.

T – Tag three people?

Saji, Priyanka and Asaaan.

U – Unknown fact about me?
I’m mostly an open book. What you see is what is behind. If I chose some fact to be unknown (if any), it ‘d better be left unknown.

V – Vegetable you don’t like?

Bittergourd. Otherwise, I like anything that is tasty.

W – Worst habit

I do not allow myself to rest. Even though ‘hyperactive’ is too strong a word, I walk around even when I’m thinking. I do not like to sit idly. Infact that explains why my toilet breaks are noticeably short.

X – X-rays you’ve had?

The first X ray that I remember: My sister and I were playing hide and seek in the roof terrace when I was about 10 years old. After a while, we thought it would be more exciting to cover one’s eyes with a cloth and try to catch the other. It was a pretty common game in the area, may be not on the terrace of a single storeyed house. Game went on excitingly for a while when I felt something in my leg and I slipped. Thank God for my closed eyes, I didn’t see where I was. All I could hear was my sister screaming “Mooooooooooooom. Sue fell down”. I sat up and removed the cloth from my eyes. I was in the yard on the ground floor. My grand father who was watering the plants came running towards me . I saw the shock in his eyes and strived hard to realise what I had just done. What happened after that was a blur, my nose was bleeding, I was rushed to the hospital. I was in full conscience and I even remember some of the minute details of the incident. That day was my first memory of having an X-ray done.

Y – Your favorite food?

Would anyone even care what my favourite food is? If not, I’m too lazy to list about 100 favourite food here.

Z – Zodiac sign?

Please wait a while. Let me check. Do they find it out by one’s birth date?

Edited to add: Cancer.

I am starting my series of NaBloPoMo posts today. Yeah this is a surprise decision from someone who hasn’t even managed to write as often as weekly. But I’m putting myself on a pretty aggressive schedule. I’m hoping that dividing a post into 7 parts is perfectly acceptable. Or considering the tweets from my phone as valid blog posts. That would be much better.

Anyway, I’ll start the series with a lighter post giving you a chance to laugh. I got this on my email yesterday. It’s a list of ‘serious’ parenting advices illustrated clearly with pictures.

Pappu was on my lap when I read it. To keep him from fighting dear life for keyboard access, I read it in a loud and funny enough voice that would entertain him. My tactic worked perfectly and the boy squealed and even repeated ‘baby’ everytime I said that word.

Okay, here are the tips for you:

1028

1027

1026

1025

1024

1023

1022

1021

1020

1019

1018

1017

1016

1015

1014

1013

1012

1011

1008

1007

1006

1005

1003

1001

And then we enacted the illustrations and ironically, my son showed more enthusiasm when I tried the part of the illustration with the bright red triangle saying ‘no’, ‘wrong’ and ‘unsafe’. That includes “picking clearing his nose”, “making baby laugh”, “bundling baby” and “helping baby teethe”. Hope this doesn’t tell anything about my parenting skills!

I’m still laughing at “changing baby’s diaper” and “checking baby’s diaper”. I know the ‘other woman’ who does right that!

Not found in Webster’s, yet!

Momfinitions:
Toddlish: The essential toddler behavioral language
“Gym”my: Baby’s best friend, the play gym.
___ (Dash): It means “bite”. We don’t use the word “bite” in our house anymore, for it only increases my toddler’s curiosity. So whereever applicable, we just say “He did the dash word”
The Dee Uhh See Kay (D-U-C-K): That’s how we mention his favourite duckie when the duckie is really not around and when there is a high danger of the duckie being ‘wanted’.
Mombabydia: My essential mom-baby dictionary, which I lost and then found it after a long quest only to found that they aren’t required anymore.

ParentsConnect.com and Twittermoms are conducting a Momfinitions contest. Why, yes we all have our own set of words that really do deserve to be placed in the dictionary. I thought it would be fun to write my list.

Here’s are some of the words we use in our household.

1. Mombabydia [mom-bay-be-dia]: noun The Mom-Baby dictionary, and viceversa.

Usage: “Where the heck is my Mombabydia?”

I lost it several months back when my baby was born. I got it back after my months-long quest only to find that it isn’t required now. Looks like the baby language is not in use anymore.

2. Toddlish [Tawd-lish]: noun The essential toddler behavioral language.

Usage: “And so we were on the way to the airport and my son behaved in a toddlish way that only a toddler can justify.”

It is the latest trend in any house with a toddler. Synonyms of ‘toddlish’ are “Unreasonable”, “Should I really have a second child?”, “Terrible twos”, “Tantrums”, “I certainly don’t understand what I’m doing”, “Where, oh, where did I lose my happy, easy and charming baby”, “I thought I was almost proud of my baby” and many more….

3. “Gym”my [jim-ee]: noun Baby’s best friend, the play gym.

Usage: “The baby is busy with his friend, Gymmy”

One of the most used toys in our house. During the initial days, I could just spend hours of ‘me’ time, eating bonbons and watching Oprah while the baby plays happily under the play gym.

4. “Dash” [___]: noun “bite”, verb “to bite”.

Usage: “OUCH!”. “What is it?”. “The baby just did the ‘dash word’ on my shoulder”.

We don’t use the word “bite” in our house anymore. Because if the toddler hears this word, his ever growing curiosity would make him ‘want’ to test the word’s meaning. So whereever applicable, we just replace it with “dash”.

5. The D.U.C.K [the-dee-you-see-kay]: noun The yellow and red rubber duckling.

Usage: “I don’t believe I forgot to pack the D.U.C.K yet another time!!!”

That’s how we mention our son’s favourite duckie when the duckie is not around. Essentially to avoid any nightmare from happening. You know, the nightmare when the unavailable duckie is ‘wanted’.

So that was my list. Feel free to add yours in the comments section or to enter the contest yourself by clicking the links provided in the beginning of the post.